


if i am off the deep end

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Viktor, Crying, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Viktor hasn't cried in front of anyone for years.





	if i am off the deep end

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for making viktor suffer but it's also a canon scene so what are you gonna do. its heavily hinted at autistic!viktor too because he Is trust me on this. 
> 
> for gen prompt bingo, the prompt was vulnerability. 
> 
> enjoy!

Viktor doesn't cry— he doesn't like letting hie emotions afloat, let himself feel vulnerable, like more than a robot specialized in skating. He pretends he's only a machine, because it's easier than the overwhelming noise of the street, his actual lack of clues in social situations away from the cameras. He pretends he's not human, he's just the legend, Viktor Nikiforov; blood roaring in his ears as he presents his work to the world, jumps and the sound of skates against ice so, so soothing he wants to be there forever—

"After the final, let's end this." Yuuri's words are heavy; there's an edge to his voice; fear, Viktor guesses.

He's engaged to Yuuri Katsuki, Japan's ace, his student, the love of his life. He's seen Yuuri panic, he's seen Yuuri cry, but he feels so out in the open when he feels his eyes widen and tears drip. No one has seen him cry since he was a little kid— he remembers it; being twelve, losing a novice competition, crying in his bedroom, walls plastered with posters of other skaters and boybands. Yuuri is seeing him cry, Yuuri is the first person to see him cry in sixteen years.

He feels vulnerable, out in the open as they talk, Yuuri sounding so guilt-ridden, so sad. He doesn't want to keep him out of the ice. _But I'd sacrifice everything for you_ , he wants to say, he wants to kiss him and forget this conversation ever happened and that he ever cried in front of his fiancé.

His weakness is afloat, he's vulnerable, and it's like the bubble inside his stomach burst after over a decade and a half. The tears flow and when he stops he gets up, and Yuuri wants to kiss him, wants to say a thousand apologies. Viktor can see it in his eyes, the way his lip trembles. "It's okay," he says, "I'll go to the bathroom."

Yuuri is about to say something, but he grits his teeth into silence. Viktor stumbles into the hotel bathroom; he sees his wet hair, his tear-stained cheeks, and he feels like he's an open book. He isn't good at crying, or supporting people who are crying, and he feels like he's just fell apart and that he has to reconstruct himself.

Viktor Nikiforov, legend of figure skating, machine on the ice, just cried in front of someone. He rubs his towel on his hair, trying to dry it a little, and he sighs as he tries to not scream with how he just did that.

He feels so, so tired, and when he gets out of the bathroom he sees Yuuri is splayed out inside the bed, his face contorted in a grimace. Viktor snuggles close to him anyway, and Yuuri mutters an 'I'm sorry'.

Viktor's heart is in his throat when he responds, "I'm sorry too."

Yuuri looks up to him with confusion in his eyes, and questions stumble out of his mouth. Viktor kisses his forehead, and he wishes, God, he wishes he could explain.

Viktor Nikiforov, legend of figure skating, machine on the ice, is vulnerable sometimes. Who would've known— he tends to believe his persona too much to even believe it himself. 


End file.
